As Gerda hits bottom, Doña Quixote wonders whether one more surgery isn’t too much
Featured image: Cephalophore (saint carrying her own severed head), Jia Sung
The Death of Robin Hood (painting), N.C.Wyeth, a brilliant American illustrator who preferred painting to drawing, 1917. “Leaning heavily against Little John’s sobbing breast, Robin Hood flies his last arrow out through the window, far away into the deep green of the trees and asks to be buried where it falls.” Robin Hood’s death was first recorded as a ballad in the 1400s in A Gest (tale/adventure) of Robyn Hode. By the 1800s, when Thomas Percy included the story in Reliques of Ancient Poetry, only fragments of the Gest remained. Undaunted, Percy rewrote the damaged- and inferred the missing portions of the prelude to the folk hero’s death: Robin Hood asks to be bled—a mainstay of ancient and medieval medical treatment—by his prioress cousin. The prioress lets out too much blood. Robin knows he is going die and prepares his mind for it. His second-in-command, Little John, wants to kill the prioress in revenge, but Robin forbids it. Little John takes his beloved leader to a place of safety, where the arrow episode takes place, after which the legendary advocate of the poor dies.
As Ehrenreich might put it, the proximate cause of Robin Hood’s death was an unnecessary and dangerous medical procedure, the removal of approximately 10 cups of blood, which was nevertheless practiced from the time of the Egyptians (3,000 B.C.E) into the twentieth century—as late as 1942, a famous medical textbook considered bloodletting appropriate treatment for pneumonia. Before we bewail the ignorant dark ages, let’s remember that a savage form of breast-cancer surgery, the Halsted radical mastectomy, was state of the art during the nineteen seventies and eighties—it removed chest muscle and lymph nodes as well as breast tissue and left women permanently disabled, as pointed out by Barbara Ehrenreich in “Welcome to Cancer World” (2001). Halsted himself suggested, “After all, disability, ever so great, is a matter of very little importance as compared with the life of the patient.”
H.R. Giger, Female Torso, 1994
Ehrenreich‘s caustic attack in Natural Causes on medical culture’s unstoppable treatments regardless of quality of life—as well as the medical- and the “wellness” industry’s byproduct of making us believe we can live forever—do not stem from an ignorance of science or the denial of the undoubted benefits of the right medical treatment at the right time: she has a BS in chemistry (with a minor in physics) as well as a PhD in cell biology. Moreover, in her personal life she was all too familiar with the ferocity of medical approaches: she was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 59 (2002) and underwent the surgery and therapies that led to her being declared cancer-free within a year. This experience, which she found extremely arduous both physically and emotionally, was in great part responsible for her foreswearing of “a medicalized life.” Afterwards she avoided standard medical checkups and ignored the rituals and products proscribed by the wellness industry, except for lots of time spent in meditation/writing, following a mediterranean-style diet, and practicing yoga and other forms of exercise. She lived a happy, contented life for 6 years after her “old enough to die” declaration. She died at age 81 after a stroke.
I myself am currently experiencing a disturbing bodily failure that, as in its most recent 3 related physical predecessors, triggered in me the question: what would Barbara Ehrenreich do? On the last Sunday of January, I became aware that something serious had gone wrong in my bottom parts. As a tough nut who’d experienced an intestinal blockage that required emergency surgery and two separate rectal prolapses, I thought, after a quick glance, that a third one was upon me. However, after a closer ogling and some googling, I self-diagnosed a uterine prolapse, or collapse of the pelvic floor muscles and ligaments to the point that they no longer support the uterus, so that it slips down into and/or protrudes out of the vagina.
Louise Bourgeois, (1911-2010), In and Out, 1995. From the collection Structures of Existence: The Cells. Note to Louise Bourgeois, in whatever Grand Beyond you find yourself: given that you were known for your wit in life and in art and as an iconoclast of societal taboos, I hope you regard my use of your sculpture in this context as an homage. I hope you understand why I laughed hysteracally (hystera being Greek for “uterus”) when I came upon In and Out while thinking about the bottom issues I discuss in this post. Your emotionally aggressive yet witty pink organic form next to its nest, its cage, from which it had fallen, escaped, describes exactly what a uterine prolapse feels like…
I discovered that nearly half of all US women between ages 50 and 79 get diagnosed with uterine prolapse. So why has not a single one of my family, friends, acquaintances, or woman’s magazines ever told me about it? Every now and then I’ve heard about someone who had to have a hysterectomy, but a prolapse was never mentioned as a possible reason. Accordingly, even before I saw a doctor, I decided this post had to be written: just as I am not ashamed to talk about the material injury to my neurons that cause my dementia, I am not ashamed to talk about bodily failures that also generally seem to be regarded as shameful. How can one be ashamed of your astonishing body that, whether it’s sound or sick, is a testament to the awesomeness of the universe: my wondrous uterus has twice given me the gift of motherhood! I must, therefore, summon my best mental efforts to express a last pietà to toward her, in the original sense of the Latin “pietas,” as “the duty children owe their parents, and, by association, the duty humans owe their gods.”
Clemente Susini, Anatomica Venus (1780-85). Though this highly realistic life-size wax model might not strike those of us with contemporary aesthetic norms as the epitome of female beauty, by Enlightenment values Venerini (“Little Venus,” a pet name) was the perfect embodiment of womanly allure: a placid, idealised nude. Her seven layers of take-apart organs, which includes a tiny fetus curled in her uterus, did not detract from her loveliness but rather enhanced it: “human anatomy was understood as a reflection of the world and the pinnacle of divine knowledge, and…to know the human body was to know the mind of God”(Joanna Ebenstein, The Anatomical Venus). Venerini was sculpted/constructed to teach anatomy to doctors as well as educate the general public. She has eyes of Venetian glass rimmed with real human eye-lashes, a headful of real human hair. A string of pearls adorns her neck. Her face glows with an ecstatic expression. In her time, “a look of ecstasy was sacred, not erotic. The same expression would be found in many religious paintings and sculptures—it evokes mystery, not sex.” (For example, Gian Lorenzo Bernini’s Ecstasy of Saint Teresa)
Before Peter and I saw the uregynocolgist, we had discovered that two treatment options were available for uterine prolapse. First,a non-surgical management that consists of using a pessary (a removable disk-shaped device) to push the uterus (more-or-less) back in place. The use of pessaries dates back as early as the 5th century BCE (Hippocrates) when hot oil stimulants, astringent-soaked plugs, and pomegranates were used to treat prolapse. However, after studying the fine print of this non-surgical solution, I was newly attracted to Ehrenreich’s conviction that 70-something is old enough “not to incur any more suffering, annoyance, or boredom” in the shape of medical devices that require self-maintenance as well as regular doctor check-ups. The second option was, of course, the mainstay of so much contemporary medical solutions: surgery. It seems more in line with my life philosophy to undergo the risks of surgery, including the damage that anesthesia does to any brain, than take on one more daily activity to manage in addition to my dementia and gastro-intestinal reflux disease. Besides, it seems kind to retire her to an eternal rest rather than trying to nudge her back into a position from which she has opted out by herself.
Elpida Hadzi-Vasileva, Fragility, 2015. Hadzi-Vasileva is a site-specific installation artist, which means that the art is designed with a particular place in mind, installed in that space, and (with some exceptions) cannot be moved or changed. Hadzi-Vasileva designed Fragility for a converted Regency church in Brighton, now the Fabrica gallery. Like much of her art, Fragility consists of organic material from animals, left-overs from the meat trade. For this work—via a chemical process akin to embalming—she transformed a membrane that holds the internal organs of some farm animals together into thin, pliable light-filtering banners. These hang from the ceiling in neatly staggered drapes, catching light across their veiny surfaces and mimicking, according to the artist, the light described by survivors of near-death experiences. She believes that her recycling of abattoir waste—destined to be disposed of—restores dignity to a biological realm so disrespected by our culture.
Those of you who regularly read my blogs will know all about the energy-sapping maintenance—by Peter as well as me—of my dementia. In addition, dealing with the chronic constipation (one of the symptoms/causes of my reflux disease) takes most of my mornings as well as causing stress and anxiety: I have to keep to a very disciplined diet and eating schedule, swallow soluble fibre up to 4 times a day, take a morning tablet that promises (but often does not deliver) a bowel movement within an hour or two. While waiting, I have to stay upright (to rope in gravity) and pace to and fro, constantly focusing on the expected bowel contractions so as to go to the toilet at exactly the right time. (Something like following the obstetrician’s instructions to “push” or “don’t push” when in labor.) If I want to sleep until 7am, I cannot make an appointment for earlier than 11 am. If I have to be out earlier (usually for doctor appointments), I have to get up 4 hours ahead of time to start my digestive system procedure. That means up at 5 am to make a 9 am appointment. Which works havoc with my executive function, i.e., my ability to focus for the rest of the day.
Despite my grumping about ever being up early, I eagerly got up at 5:30 am for a 9:30 am urogynecologist appointment for my latest pelvic floor failure, an appointment that miraculously happened within a week of my self-diagnosis. My doctor confirmed my selfdiagnosis uterine prolapse; however, with her medical education versus my high school biology!, she found two additional issues: a bladder– and a rectal prolapse; She concurred with my and Peter’s decision that I go for surgery: a hysterectomy, followed by a hitching up of my bladder, vaginal wall, and rectum by stitching them back onto the sacrum, or shield-shaped bone just above one’s tailbone, and which connects the spine to the pelvis. Accordingly, I have a surgery date around the spring equinox.
First, healthy female organs of the pelvic floor are stand-uppish and perky; second, prolapsed organs sag down and may protrude through their natural orifices.
It of course strikes me as ironic that I, who have eleven years ago declared myself ready to die before my dementia reaches a stage where my life—by my criteria—is no longer meaningful, have since my dementia diagnosis availed myself of sa great many surgical fixes of the fixable parts of my body. I am very grateful that I have medical insurance, which gives me access to these treatments, without which my quality of life might already have dwindled to a point of not being worthwhile: that is, when I spend so much time maintaining my brain and the rest of my body that I have time for nothing and nobody else. I am grateful that I have a home with Peter in it; and friends and family who help me figure out these dilemmas and support me with physical and psychological care. I am grateful that I have you, my readers, who read my musings about the issues of my daily life and who give me a purpose for working them out on paper and not just in my head. My blog writing is one of my greatest pleasures in this time of my life.
Louise Bourgeois, Roof Song, 1946-8. On a magnificent red chimney, the artist paints herself in a comic image, grinning widely, to celebrate a recently completed sculpture that is pictured on the right: the tower in black with touches of red. Her hair resembles wings that might just carry her over the moon.
February 17, 2023 @ 12:04 pm
Good luck with your surgery Gerda! I look forward to reading many more postings from your blog which I find simply marvelous. You bring me to places I’ve never been… the artwork you select is so enchanting and your musings are delightful.
February 24, 2023 @ 6:02 pm
My dear Ingrid, Thanksso much for your kind comment on my post. I am grateful that you enjoy the information and artwork. I think of you often, and the story of your mother that I was unable to complete. I can no longer edit and rearrange writing as complex as your mother’s story. I am so glad, however, that I got to know you through our contact and through you your remarkable mother.
February 17, 2023 @ 2:28 pm
Thank you for sharing your journey into the nether regions of female medical care. Your honestly and openness is refreshing, and, yes indeed, we are journeying with and sharing in your path.
February 17, 2023 @ 3:01 pm
I had that exact surgery 2 years ago(including the repair of my bladder and rectum). The surgery was a complete success and the recovery time 2 weeks. I felt much better after 3 days. I was in the hospital about 29 hours. Surgery was at 7am and I was released noon the next day. I was so happy I had this done. Thought you might to hear from someone who experienced that surgery. My lady surgeon was awesome. I love your blogs.
February 24, 2023 @ 6:07 pm
Dear Kathy (and also Judy, who’s in on this), thanks so much for your nice comments about my blog and, best of all, to tell me your surgery experience. Your account is one of the most positive I have received–other people have had very hard times and it took long for their recovery. Whatever happens in my case, I know I will get through it with Peter and my family’s and friends’ help. But I do hope I fall in your category of the good surgery stories!
February 24, 2023 @ 6:04 pm
Thanks so much for your kind comments on my post. It means so much to me that you read my blog and let me know that it means something to you. My best wishes go out you.
February 17, 2023 @ 4:18 pm
I had no idea that almost half of we more” mature in years” women experience vaginal prolapse! Certainly agree, why have we not been made aware of this? And how can you be my sole suffering female confidante who has had it? The goddesses are playing mean tricks Gerda. You are dealing with this wait for relief in your usual competent, reasoned manner. You are a shining example once again! (Believe me, you’d hear me cursing and complaining)
February 24, 2023 @ 6:09 pm
Mydearest Shen, so lovely of you to write after I had already cried on your shoulder face to face…You’re just out of earshot to hear my wails and gnashing of teeth, but I do have my days! Thanks for you support in this as in everything else in my life.
February 17, 2023 @ 5:49 pm
Gerda, as always I am so deeply touched and enriched by your post.
Your personal descriptions, the breathtaking art work you select, the questions you raise and encourage us to contemplate; all of it, is a stunning masterpiece.
I am always left speechless,
and can’t wait for our face to face conversations.
February 24, 2023 @ 6:11 pm
My dearest Riva, thanks so much for your very flattering comments. I very much appreciate your support whenever life throws a wall in my path. But I’m glad I now have a surgery date and can look forward for this to be over. Happy that I’ll see you before my surgery.
February 17, 2023 @ 8:17 pm
Thank you Gerda, I am always so inspired by you and your beautiful posts. Sending love to you and Peter from the other side of the world ❤️❤️
February 24, 2023 @ 6:13 pm
Thanks so much for your lovely message, Annette. I do miss you since your move to the “underside” of the world! Thanks for being in touch–and I hope to catch you on your next visit here.
February 17, 2023 @ 9:11 pm
Goeie more Tannie Gerda.
Ai, wat ons liggame nie alles aan ons doen nie. Jammer om te hoor chirurgie is die enigste opsie. Sterkte, ek stuur positiewe energie.
Ek verwonder my altyd aan al die kunswerke wat jy as vergelykenis gebruik en beskou jou nou as my “nagraadse” Kuns Dosent!
Elpida’s Fragility het my gedagtis geprikkel en my die internet laat invaar!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, experiences and emotions in this particular manner, you have a rare talent indeed.
February 24, 2023 @ 6:16 pm
Liewe Erika, baie dankie vir you meegevoel and doe goeie energie wat in my rigting vloei.Bly jy geniet die kuns–dis ‘n veld wat ek in die laaste jare begin opsoek het en dit bring vir my groot plezier. Veral dat jy daarvan hou. I wish you and yours the very best–happy wandering in the animal parts art world!
February 18, 2023 @ 9:07 am
Thank you for sharing all this, Gerda.
xox Pam
February 24, 2023 @ 6:17 pm
So nice to hear from you, Pam. While I wish I did not have many woes to share, I am so grateful that you find my thoughts of interest and that you support me through your comments.
February 18, 2023 @ 11:26 am
As always, dearest Gerda, you uplift us all with your generous gifts of insight and information, gently and lovingly wrapped up in the beauty of language and art. Reading your blog remains one of my greatest pleasures. Thank you. Sending all our love to you and Peter.
February 24, 2023 @ 6:19 pm
My dearest Mary, thanks for your lovely comments on my post. You are one of my friends who likely know all about the”bottom” issues after all your studies to become a midwife and your experiences with the many mothers. I did not think I’d have to find out new stuff in this area at my age! Very much looking forward to talk tomorrow. xoxox
February 18, 2023 @ 12:44 pm
Thank you for sharing Gerda. You have shared so much of yourself with us and I am so grateful. My sister had the same successful surgery done several years ago. All the best.
Jane
February 24, 2023 @ 6:21 pm
Dear Jane, thanks so much for your kind comment. It is very good to know of others who had successful experiences. Thanks so much for telling me and for your good wishes. My best wishes go out to you and the people you love.
February 18, 2023 @ 10:57 pm
Thank you again for your bravery and diligent sharing of introspection. I am having surgery, too, in March, and am much more neurotic about it than you seem to be. I wish you happy healing! I have an aunt who had this surgery several years ago, and was very happy that she no longer needed to deal with the dreaded pessary.
February 24, 2023 @ 6:23 pm
Hello Jo, it was wonderful hearing from you. I so much enjoyed getting to know you in past years. Sorry to hear you are also up for surgery. But happy that your aunt looks back on her surgery with gratitude for a better quality of life. Sending my atheist prayers out into the universe that you will be similarly blessed.
February 20, 2023 @ 2:35 am
Haai Liewe Gerda. Dis weer Hanli wat kom inloer by jou blog 😊 Dankie vir die bekendstelling aan Me Ehrenreich…wow! So ‘n bek moet jam kry!
“It’s not only “my work”—forgive the pompous phrase—that I bequeath to my survivors but all the mental and sensual pleasures that come with being a living human: sitting in the spring sunshine, feeling the warmth of friends, solving a difficult equation. All that will go on without me. I am content, in the time that remains, to be a transient cell in the larger human super-being.”
Ek is bly dat ons deel is van die human superbeing op dieselfde vlietende oomblik.
Hanli
NS: Erna sukkel net so met haar onderstel na haar kankerbehandeling. Daar is ‘n meer gekompliseerde chirurgiese (Colpocleisis ) prosedure wat meeste van haar probleme kan oplos, buiten die dubbel-heupvervanging wat sy ook nodig het, maar sy wil nie eers dink aan ‘more suffering, annoyance, or boredom’ nie. Ek probeer die korttermyn pyn vs. langtermyn gain argument voer. Sover verloor ek die stryd, maar dalk inspireer jou braafheid haar.
February 24, 2023 @ 9:37 pm
My liewe Hanli, Ek hou so baie van die Ehrenreich kwotasie wat jy stuur. Ek het dit gemis toe ek die keer weer deur haar boeke en goed gekyk het om te probeer onthou wat sy gese het. Jy se dit so mooi, en ek stem saam: “Ek is bly dat ons deel is van die human superbeing op dieselfde vlietende oomblik.” So jammer om te hoor van jou ma se moeilikhede–ai, dis sleg as die Bottom uitval. Ek het nou net Colpocleisis opgekeyk–het in al my soeke nie daarop afgekom nie! Nou het jy dit vir my geleer. Ek het nooit gehoor dat jou ma kanker gehad het nie. (Dit is na haar kankerbehandeling wat Ehrenreich gese het sy is nou klaar met mediese intervention). Ek verstaan toekom jou maa dit nie wil aandurf nie. Hoe lank gelede was die kankerbehandeling? Miskien het sy net tyd nodig om weer vir wit jasse kans te sien. Wat sy ookal doen, ek ondersteun haar 100%–mens se psige weet waarvoor mens kans sien. Gee asb baie, baie liefde van my aan haar. Ai, ek verlang na my skoolvriendin-geesgenoot-enigste vriendin Erna. En is so dankbaar om met wonderlike jou in kontak te wees. xoxoxoxox
February 20, 2023 @ 10:02 am
Gerda my dear, you are a special soul who gives me a will to carry on. I was fearful for a moment this post was a goodbye. Silly me. Strong of spirit and love of life is your mainstay. Thank you, and Peter as he continues the journey side by side with you. Blessings to both of you. Love from Judith
February 25, 2023 @ 11:43 am
Dear Judith, so wonderful of you to send me this lovely message I am glad that my scribblings mean something to you and makes you feel that you are not alone in this challenging world!Thanks for your kind wishes for Peter and me. I wish you and the people you love the best our sometimes fickle universe ca offer. xoxox
February 20, 2023 @ 10:49 pm
Liewe Gerda, soos gewoonlik slaan jy die spyker mooi op sy kop en in die proses leer jy vir my en baie ander ook, van so baie dinge daar in die wêreld!
Dis hoe jy jou hele lewe lei- om almal om jou te verryk en te leer van dinge wat jy aanhou ontdek! Mag jy nooit ophou met jou ontdekkingsreis nie!
Ons is baie lief vir jou !
February 25, 2023 @ 11:41 am
My liewe Elza, so goed om van jou te hoor. Ek is baie bly dat jy my “too much information” positief belewe. Vir my is alles in die natuurwereld ‘n wonder–ons liggame ingesluit. En alles is vir my so interessant–al vergeet ek wat ek geleer of geskryf het vof minute na die laaste punt! Dink so baie aan jou en Koos en hoop dit gaan so goed as moontlik. Ek hoop jy het van jou eie liggamsdinge herstel. Baie, baie liefde vir jou en Koos en julle magiese kinders en kleinkinders.
February 21, 2023 @ 5:46 am
Hallo Gerda, baie sterkte met die chirurgie. Dankie dat jy met ons gedeel het. Niemand praat van hierdie groot operasies nie – en daar is so baie vrouens wat swygsaam hierdeur moet gaan. Sonder die nodige ondersteuning, omdat hulle “skaam” is om daaroor te praat. Hou ons asseblief op hoogte van jou vordering. Seënwense van Sonette xx
February 25, 2023 @ 11:37 am
So wonderlik om vanjou te hoor, Sonette. Ek onthou jou goed as een van Lana se vriendinne wat haar met haar boek gehelp het. Ek is bly dat jy die inligting waardeer. Ek is so moeg om in ‘n wereld van skande en geheime te lewe. Nlydat jy ook dinge mens moet oor die dinge praat. Baie liefde vir jou en jou familie.
February 25, 2023 @ 11:37 am
Thank you dearest Gerda for your sharing that educate and enrich us all. You are an inspiration to me! Sterkte met die operasie!
May 5, 2023 @ 4:43 pm
My liefste Ria, jammer dit vat my so lank om te antwoord. Peter het vir jou ‘n versoek gestuur om Sondag the Zoom. So jammer ons het jou verjaarsdag gemis. Sal graag wil opmaak en ook hoor van die moeilike dinge waarvan jy ons laat weet het. Baie, baie lief vir jou en Landie en die ander lede van jou lieflike familie.