A new RadioWest film: this one is about Peter, my carer, my fixer, my lover, my friend
My dearest Peter,
Last year for my birthday, you wrote me a letter that includes this quote from The Velveteen Rabbit:
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because when you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Your next sentence made me cry–then, and today as I read it again: “So kiss me softly each day in case the ‘real’ does hurt sometimes.”
In the new RadioWest film, you show not only me, but everyone who sees it, that “the “real’ does hurt sometimes.” A lot.
The Lacoön group: Lacoön and his sons being strangled by serpents (2nd century BCE–1st century CE, Greek, in the Vatican Museums).
I admire your courage to be vulnerable in this film in order to tell the truth of how difficult the path of dementia is for you. I know that my deterioration is agonizing for you, and you have told me that you cry a lot. Seeing you cry or knowing that you often hide your crying so as not to upset me hurts me far more than the fact of my dementia. I wish that “kissing you softly” could take away just an ounce of your huge burden every day, but I know that it doesn’t even come close. I wish that the last thing I will forget is your love for me. I am so very grateful that you have given me the utterly generous gift of helping me not to get to a moment where I no longer show my love for you.
You are wonderful to keep dancing with me even though I can no longer do the turns
Thank you so much for your honesty and bravery in making this film. You demonstrate so beautifully to me and our children and grandchildren the enormous challenge of remaining a loving, ethical, promise-keeping man even when life throws you an almost unbearable sorrow.
Thank you for making me “real” a long time ago. And keeping me “real” despite my loose joints and shabbiness.
Kissing you softly,
Your Gertie.
November 30, 2017 @ 11:42 am
I loved the Velveteen Rabbit quote so much I posted on my FB page, giving credit to you.
December 23, 2017 @ 9:19 am
What a lovely note–thanks for passing on the quote I love so much. Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season!
November 30, 2017 @ 12:02 pm
Ek bewonder julle twee wat so die trauma met soveel gemoed kan hanteer. Seker omdat julle nog altyd so na aan mekaar was. Ek en Willem is nou 60 jaar aan mekaar verbonde en ek weet glad nie hoe ek dit sal kan hanteer wanneer die tyd kom om totsiens te sê. liefde groete.
December 23, 2017 @ 2:06 pm
Baie dankie vir jou mooi woorde, Rieks. Ja, mens se lewensmaat word so deel van mensself, ek kan my ook nie ‘n lewe sonder Peter voorstel nie. Ons moet maar net aanhou om die beste uit elke dag te kry! Ons wens julle ‘n wonderlike Kersfees en nuwe jaar toe.
November 30, 2017 @ 2:07 pm
Dear Gerda,
I read your blogs often and I think of you and Peter a lot. I am pleased to tell you that I am doing a lot better this year. I decided to make a few changes. The girls have both been very supportive and I visit Michelke ,Greg and Michael often. I watch him do playball and take him on outings. He likes going on the gautrain and on the big red tourist bus in Jozi.
I decided to do something different so I have put my house on Airbnb. I now have interesting people to stay. As you know my downstairs is quite separate so they are not in my space.
I enjoy the sounds downstairs because the house had become totally silent which I found very challenging. We are also using the other to flats for Airbnb. Lisa takes care of the bookings for us. Michelle does all the work in Jozi looking after the townhouses there.
. You know that I love you and Peter lots and I admire you both so much. How privileged Derek and I were to spend such a lovely holiday with you.
November 30, 2017 @ 7:06 pm
Dear Gerda and Peter,
For as long as we have known one another you both have astounded me in so many ways. This beautiful piece about Peter fits right in.
I keep trying to get organized for lunch and really am trying. I’ll keep trying.
My love to you both,
Kathy
December 23, 2017 @ 4:56 pm
Dear Kathy,
Thanks so much for your generous words. So glad we have known you guys long enough that you truly know Peter over all the years–he has been getting more lovely through the years, or so I think! It would be lovely to get together after the festivities are over. Hope you and your amazing family have a fabulous Christmas. Can’t wait to hear the updates after you have seen the kids! xoxox
November 30, 2017 @ 7:55 pm
@Peter: I see most of your hair has been loved off 🙂 but you are beautiful
December 23, 2017 @ 4:58 pm
Dear Karin, Peter just laughed and laughed when I told him your clever comment. Thank so much for your kindness and support. Wishing you and yours a wonderful Christmas and New Year!
December 24, 2017 @ 10:10 am
@Karin, lol.
I love the image that you create. I am working on dancing off my eyebrows but it is clear that there still has to be many more nights of fancy footwork to get the job done.
December 4, 2017 @ 3:57 pm
You two have always had such an incredlble bond. It is with joy and grief I watched your love evidenced for the world. The only positive for me from Gerda’s illness has been seeing Peter’s devotion, both of your courage and wisdom in coping with this, and watching you finding happiness with each other and your family.
December 23, 2017 @ 5:01 pm
Dearest Shen, your words are so precious and lovely–what would we have done without you guys over the years? You are our example of a mother who NEVER stops loving everyone around her, through the most unimaginable difficulties. You are so amazing and you are the sister of my heart. I wish you and everyone in your family a most wonderful Christmas and new year. The best about the new year is that i will continue to have my weekly date with you (at lest)! xoxoxoxox